We are gathered here today to celebrate the life, and honor the memory of T’Challa: King of Wakanda, Leader of the Order of “I Never Freeze”, Defender of potato salad at black BBQs everywhere. #FuckYouAndYourRaisinsKaren #GiveMePaprikaOrGiveMeDeath
With T’Challa gone, the universe has lost a bright light, and the world is a dimmer place. Not only did we lose a man of incredible vision, courage, and moral fortitude, but we also lost . . . those abs.
Those abs are what compel me to stand up here before you, and publicly mourn our collective loss.
Those abs are what got me through week after week, from Hump Day to Fri-Yay.
Those abs gave me something to look forward to as I lay my head down at night, and lifted it up again at morning light. (Those abs inspired that rhyme.)
The memory of those abs are all we have left now, and that memory lives on, and will allow us to carry on, hard as it may be, and hard as those abs may be.
In closing, I will read a short excerpt from the Book of Common Prayer:
FORASMUCH as it hath pleased Almighty God of his great mercy to take unto himself the soul of our dear brother here departed, we therefore commit his body to the ground; Earth to Djalia, ashes to ancestral plane, beautiful abs to dust.